we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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