The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
