I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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