Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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