respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
