haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
