Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
