I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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