great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
