She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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