Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
