Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
