I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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