I wish you could order shots online.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
