I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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