I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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