It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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