They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
