I'm gonna have a badass scar
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
