Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
