u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
