my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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