i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
