Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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