What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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