3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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