She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wear drunk well.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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