if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
