I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
