My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
