Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
