Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
