and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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