But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
