Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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