So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
