so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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