I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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