I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
