is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
