i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
