I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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