i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
