I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
