if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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