everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
