I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
