I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
