There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
