Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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