i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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