I could make wine with my vomit
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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