the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
