Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
