Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
