i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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