i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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