this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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