I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
