I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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