eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
operation harelip BJ is a go
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
