I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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