i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
