Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
