i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
