Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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