He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
