You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
