I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
