apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The struggles of a small town man whore
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
