Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
barbara walters just said penis...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
