Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize