I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
