She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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